@Mr_Kapowski: You tell one kid there's candy inside an electrical outlet that can only be retrieved with a fork and you're never asked to babysit again
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@RegularFred: Pizza is like racism. America didn't invent it, but it's hard to find a country that does it better.
@pro_failure: My dog just ate a butterfly and probably saved Tokyo from a tidal wave. I don't understand science.
@davidkenny100: Me as the astronaut in that Martian movie: "Day 1 I have enough food to last 459 days" "Day 2 I now have enough food to last 170 days"
@dshack8: Don't call me "Dad", please call me by my professional title, "Half-Eaten Food Connoisseur Broken Toy Engineer Butt-Wipeologist".