@Jez1: You text him, he doesn't text you back. Obviously he was so excited that you texted that he fainted.
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@stephenjmolloy: "Ah, Mr Bond, I-" *closes laptop lid and pulls up trousers* "-wasn't expecting you."
@TheCatWhisprer: Accidentally switched the baby formula with coconut milk and now my newborn is complaining that her lullabies are "too mainstream."
@dietredbull: If we had gender equality we'd ALL give birth through our ass. And no more Men from Mars & Women from Venus, everyone would be from Uranus.
@NotthatAdamWest: "Bless your heart" is southern for "I'm pretty sure you were dropped on your head as a child."