@jake_lach: You think you have your anger issues under control until someone starts telling an important story while they're chewing
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@DaHess1: I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the shit out of each other because it's negative.
@Reverend_Scott: Police: We'd like u to come with us to answer some questions about ur husband's disappearance. Mrs. Potato Head eating french fries: why?
@TheCiscoKidder: I have a dog to make sure that the noises in the middle of the night are nothing serious and I have a cat to make those noises.