@Underchilde: You think you’re not capable of violence, but then a bird sings at 6AM and you start researching surface-to-air missiles.
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@Brampersandon_: ME: need help? GIRL (having car trouble): could u give me a jump ME: *inflating the bounce house I keep in my trunk* I thought u'd never ask
@_davidlucas_: Leviticus 20:13 legalises gay marriage and marijuana: "If a man lays with another man he should be stoned".
@UncleBob56: Wife: What's your fantasy? Me: It involves your mom. W: Your disgusting! M: W: What is it? M: I always wished she'd taught you how to cook.
@jtswhipped: Just watched Inception,Donnie Darko,Memento and The Matrix and now I don't think I am real anymore.