@Underchilde: You think you’re not capable of violence, but then a bird sings at 6AM and you start researching surface-to-air missiles.
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@FatherWithTwins: Stickiest things in the world: 3) Lollipops 2) Glue 1) Children's library books
@sixfootcandy: [family brunch] Sister: We'd love you to be our daughter's godmother. Me: No thank you. Please pass the syrup.
@UncleDuke1969: Wife: You were right. Me: Say it again. Wife: You were right. Me: Again. Wife: You were right. Me: One more time. Wife: You wer- *wakes up*
@E_lok44: The only lyrics I can make out in the song "Informer" are "Hey farrrrmer...something....a leaky boom boom cow". Not 100% sure though.