@cambuslad: You totally had me at "I want you" and I was so excited, I completely missed the " To leave me alone" part....Sorry my bad.
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@DadInUtah: Wife: We're supposed to get 8-10 inches tonight. Me: That's what she said. Wife: Can't you do any better than that? Me: That's what she said
@c12h22o11balls: Right now in some universe somewhere, there's a group of butterflies smoking weed and discussing the human effect
@QwertyJones3: [Starbucks] "Yes, I'd like a venti skinny soy half-sweet one-pump caramel macchiato half-caff extra whip, please." Barista: Is Pepsi ok?