@TheTimmyToes: "YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?" - guy that just got a new kite for his birthday
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@cynicanoldicus: The ex wife once told me her greatest fantasy was kneeling in front of me while I spurted all over her. She never mentioned it was my blood.
@NicestHippo: [museum tour in the future] Racism and sexism ended in the 21st century, when brave Americans argued it out of existence online
@jitka: My dad had a good idea. Sometimes when cars drive by your house they honk at you. But you can't respond. That's where House Horn comes in
@TheMichaelRock: Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don't have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.