@TheTimmyToes: "YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?" - guy that just got a new kite for his birthday
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@robfee: Where was the NSAs wire taps when the McCallisters were leaving messages with all the neighbors that Kevin was home alone? Thanks Obama.
@philyuck: Dominos dropped the “pizza” from its name because they’re not legally allowed to call that pizza.
@Dawn_M_: Awww it's cute how your baby pulls my hair. Like she doesn't realise I will pull hers right back.
@ojedge: "Hey, Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me." *shakes tambourine* "Got any others?" *shakes tambourine* "Sounds a lot like the last one"