@welfarehoe: "YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
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@thedayofthedot: i hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore. facebook friends suck.
@NouRahif: "Axe" is not going to help you get girls, unless you spray it in their eyes then quickly chloroform them.
@weinerdog4life: I don't think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Surprise parties for Lindsey Lohan probably have that "Intervention-y" feeling at first.