@welfarehoe: "YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
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@skullmandible: nobody, nobody, nobody likes the guy who's suspiciously knowledgeable about age of consent laws
@SirEviscerate: Me: I'm having a problem with my computer: IT guy: Have you tried punching it? Me: That's the first thing I tried. I'm not an idiot.
@mejustbeth: Ever since those 2 weeks in 2008 when no one noticed I was missing, I won't go into a corn maze without a machete.