@welfarehoe: "YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
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@CaptainJerkwad: My dentist not only specializes in treating cavities, but he also sells gasoline for your car. Basically he runs two filling stations.
@k_lli: Social butterfly? Nah. I'm more like a social Sasquatch. Some people swear they've seen me, but no one really believes them.
@SortaBad: "I can't wait to see what my Happy Meal prize is! Wait...what the -" [U2 is playing a free concert in the box]
@cheeky__gal: The spider I just killed with a napkin isn't in the napkin, and now I'm in a circle of salt reciting incantations.