@thesulk: "You want to have your cake and eat it, too." "Yeah. It's MY cake."
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@thomaskeamon: I just learned today that Cardi B's real name is belcalis almanzar. I said that shit out loud and my furniture started floating
@decentbirthday: guy: excuse me, can you jump my car me: *tying shoes* probably how tall is it guy: no like- me: *handing phone* take a video
@Hobo_Splendido: Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.