@mydmac: You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
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@madcaplaughs30: This lady didn't know how to use the gas pump, so I winked at her and whispered "nobody does" while pouring gas into my jacket pocket.
@theprojectclub: Dad, how comes my sister is called Teresa?" "Because your mum loves Easter and it's an anagram of Easter" "Thanks dad" "No problem Alan"