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@mydmac: You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
@Lerky: You can only regret what you remember.
@juliussharpe: I just hope this Justin Bieber thing doesn't make all yellow Lamborghini owners look bad.
@NicCageMatch: Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
@sploosk: Baby detective: These stab wounds here, they-
*coroner covers the body with a sheet*
Baby: OH MY GOD. THE BODY! ITS GONE! WHERE DID IT GO
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Cop: What happened?
Me: A Smart Car hit one of those little Fiats.
Cop: Can you describe the accident.