@Guinz: You were all Pluto's not even a planet and now you're watching it from your space car all slow and creepy like. Jerk.
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@notshivi: Everyone prepare yourself for National "How is it May already?" Day coming up tomorrow where people who don't know how calendars work tweet.
@omgthatspunny: My girlfriend always gets her way by pretending she's sad. She's an expert in sighcology.
@mjkspeaks: [argument w/girlfriend] HER: you know what your problem is? ME: no, *grabs pen and begins taking notes* but i'm about to find out
@joeljeffrey: My wife and did it twice yesterday and we didn't use any protection... I'm worried we might have twins.