@That_Matt2: You will feel dumb when we find out the guy who headshotted Harambe was from the future trying to prevent Planet of the Apes..
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@anerdonfire2: Look dude, I'm going to need to see alot more chest hair and jewelry if you want into my Disco party
@WilliamAder: Just unfollowed a bunch of people funnier than me. Now my tweets seem, you know, funnier. Tomorrow I unfollow all the good-looking people.
@ladyignoble: Note to younger women: Remember, men are always after just one thing: your snacks. Do not leave the refrigerator unlocked.
@Ngamsi_: Just unzipped skirt and my real stomach poured out. Exercise my sister says but life is too short to be running when nothing is pursuing you