@SirEviscerate: *ex-Olive Garden server shoveling dirt into a fresh grave* Tell me when.

@jewschebag: *reads own tweet* Haha, so relatable

@KissabiX: I visited you every day in hospital when you were in a coma. They gave me free wifi & coffee, It was the best 2 months of our married life

@Reverend_Scott: Recent studies link bacon to cancer. "Ya, don't eat bacon, you'll get so much cancer", said one pink scientist.

@heatherlou_: I refuse to dismiss Thanksgiving. Any holiday dedicated to food & stretchy pants is worth celebrating.