@Steelers1972: You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
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@david8hughes: [at the mall] "I've lost my son. Can you make an announcement for me?" "Sure, what's his name?" "Xander." "See, that's why he ran off."
@desi_princess: Are we stopping for ALL pedestrians now? I can understand kids & the elderly. But everyone else should be able to dodge cars.
@DurtMcHurtt: [meeting girlfriend at the park] Her: Surprise! I made us a picnic! Me: *unfolding emergency bib from wallet* Holy shit let's do this.
@dlockw21: In my experience, people who say "I'm not trying to be difficult," don't really seem to be trying all that hard.