@Henry_3k: You young couples with your dogs, your trial children, you'll learn nothing about parenting because you can never teach a toddler to "sit".
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@TheIronSherk: *pretty girl walks by and doesn't make eye contact* She must be intimidated that I manage a fantasy football team that is 8-1
@thatdutchperson: [Stares deeply into date's eyes before going to the bathroom] "I've counted these fries."
@Awk0Tacoo: I covered my boyfriend's laptop in melted cheese and now he's really mad at me. I mean, what did he expect when he asked for Mac and cheese?