@JiminyKicksIt: You'd better czechoslovakia before you wreckyoslovakia.
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@brittwastaken: *walks seductively up to table* *licks lips* Me: Come on baby. Just one more time. Him: Lady, I'm not giving you any more cheese samples.
@TitansHomer: Me: what are we doing today Trainer: let work on your forearms. Me: but I only have 2 T: What?!? Me: *whispers* I only have 2?
@fro_vo: ME: *whispering to date as symphony orchestra begins playing beethoven's 5th* can you believe a dog wrote this
@trumpetcake: People always complain that I'm "out there." [On the phone. To the cops. While I'm sitting in their birdbath.]