@YourAnMoron: You'd think a dude named Captain Crunch would have amazing abs.
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@yab_kat: [gets pulled over] Officer: *through window* Do you know why i pulled you over? Me: *punches steering wheel* answer the man you criminal car
@six_2_and_even: My wife is yelling THROW HER THROW HER during Olympic ice dancing with the bloodlust of 80,000 Roman citizens watching gladiators battle to the death.
@trentistweeting: "Trent! Your only job was to prep the classroom for Diversity Day!" ME: *in full scuba gear* look, I think "diver city day" could be fun too