@NickBossRoss: You'd think after 12 years of filming Boyhood someone would be like hey maybe we should make this good.
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@myonlymizztake: When you said you wanted to show me a stiff one, I had no idea you worked in a morgue.
@tigersgoroooar: if you're in a sports bar but don't understand sports just keep repeating the phrase "damn they gotta get him the ball." everyone will agree
@SamGrittner: *job interview* "So this yearbook isn't your resume?" "No. I'm not a moron. Those are my references. I highlighted all the NEVER CHANGE's."
@rockymomax: [buys ghostbusters ringtone] ME: who ya gonna call? [1 hour later] ME: who ya gonna call?! [2 days later] ME: *sobbing* I am so lonely