@jakob_huber: You'd think Bowser would start locking the front door of his castle after the first time Mario just walked right in like he owned the joint.
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@roostermustache: Kid: help my cat's stuck in a tree can you save him Me: of course little girl *throws bible at cat* do you accept jesus as your lord
@TheAlexNevil: You know, one day auto correct will completely collapse, and that day will be gloria’s!!
@StinkyGr33n: Also, those little Swiss Army knives are great when you need a tiny pair of scissors to open your Gummi Bears like some kind of crack head.
@robdelaney: Haha my cousin's safeword is "chalice." (We don't have sex; I saw it cuz I hacked his email to get his salmon casserole recipe)