@jakob_huber: You'd think Bowser would start locking the front door of his castle after the first time Mario just walked right in like he owned the joint.
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@zachreinert03: Hey people who say 'I want my funeral to be like this': what are you going to do about it if they don't do it like that?
@Hella_Rad: sometimes i cry when i chop vegetables other than onions, just so the onions don't think they're ugly or something
@AmishPornStar1: Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
@ItsAndyRyan: Child twister: "I can't tear up that farmhouse, Dad" Dad twister: "Come on son – we're Kansas tornadoes, not Kan'tsas tornadoesn'ts"