@RorynotRoy: You'd think Goldilocks would have been all like, "Damn, it smells like bears in here. Is that a family portrait of bears?! I should leave."
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@squirrel74wkgn: [helping son with math] Me: Problem one...(reading)...ok...(reads #2)...(reads #3)...(keeps reading)...ask your teacher for help tomorrow
@rachelle_mandik: Doctor: Your baby is 7 pounds! Me: So that's like, what, three dollars?
@IanDunt: So according to the PM, we're being asked to vote on basis of a plan which we are not allowed to see. You can tell she's a vicar's daughter.
@Brianhopecomedy: My 4 year old told me to just turn the tire around as the top part isn't flat. I don't care if it's wrong - that's still some great logic.
@FrogAvalanche: Baby Lawyer: Did you steal the victim's nose? Accused: No. *cries into palms Baby Judge: O, great, he's disappeared again.
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