@RorynotRoy: You'd think Goldilocks would have been all like, "Damn, it smells like bears in here. Is that a family portrait of bears?! I should leave."
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Kristen Stewart seems like one of those missing milk carton kids who was raised by their kidnapper.
@mattZillaaaa: I was really upset today but then a friend said "don't be upset" so now I'm not upset anymore
@perlmutations: I personally endorse our president going to war with North Korea. Not our military of course, just the president.
@WilliamAder: First in my neighborhood to cut the grass and now the other husbands are looking at me like I reminded the teacher to assign homework.