@sixfootcandy: You'd think my hair would be a little more cooperative considering how many times I blow it per week.
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@shariv67: I sleep with a knife under my pillow. You never know when someone is going to break in and give you a cake.
@Birdhumms: 70% of being married is just wondering which of us is going to benefit from the life insurance.
@trentistweeting: ok boss, i duck taped the hostage's mouth shut "you mean duct taped, right?" um... *cuts to hostage with live mallard stuffed in his mouth*