@GingerAtLaw: You'd think the people in front of me at this self-checkout were trying to operate a nuclear reactor
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@stanleybehrman: Texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel, and misinterpret what other people mean.
@DurtMcHurtt: Wow, the guy buried alive with weed in his pocket must be rolling in his grave right now.
@WilliamAder: They've got a tiger running loose in Atlanta and I won't take out the garbage if there's a moth on the screen door.
@artcarlson: #gameofthrones greatest achievement this season: getting us to root for a guy to hook up with a woman we all knew was his aunt.