@GingerAtLaw: You'd think the people in front of me at this self-checkout were trying to operate a nuclear reactor
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@suzieQ0007: Co-worker: What's the difference between astronomy & astrology? Me: Approximately 50-60 IQ points.
@SteveSuckington: If a serial killer commits suicide, you can console his family by saying, "hey, at least he died doing what he loved"
@TheTweetOfGod: It's not that he liked big butts; it's that he could not lie. THAT'S why Sir Mix-a-Lot deserved his knighthood.
@mrsmith196645: Nothing scares me more than when my husband answers me and I'm left wondering just how much he's actually been listening.