@FrauFickenDammt: You'd think with all the hiking Dora the Explorer does, she'd be thinner.
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@LackOfShame: 16: I hate old people. Me: That's where you and I are different. 16: You like old people?! Me: No, I hate everybody.
@ShanaRose21: I can never find my cars keys but I won't forget that time you checked out another woman at the mall four years ago.
@WhaJoTalkinBout: Interviewer: When were you most satisfied at your last job? Me: After lunch, next question.
@primawesome: I wish there was a way to keep in touch with dogs I meet outside of grocery stores.