@causticbob: #YouHadOneJob #SuperBowlXLIX
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@JODYHiGHROLLER: i NEVER VOTED FOR A PRESiDENT BECUZ iF iM GUNNA WASTE MY GAS THEN iT BETTER BE ON SOMETHiNG iMPORTANT LiKE DRiViNG TO CHiCK-FiL-A
@StaceyShortcake: My phone autocorrects 'sex' into 'pez' in case you were wondering just how dead my pez life is.
@o__0Dev: It took years for my gf to get me to put down the toilet seat. Though, I really don't know why I was carrying it around in the first place.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Don't spit at your sister! 4: I'm a bunny. Me: Bunnies don't spit. 4: I'm an acid-spitting bunny.