@DadandBuried: You'll never know how creative you really are until you need to start lying to your kids.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@GrantTanaka: I swear to god I'm not harassing you, I'm really out of shape that's just my labored breathing
@joryjohn: [Baby crying in a movie theater] Me: "What's his name?" Parent: "Ethan." Me: "The movie's starting, Ethan."
@BuckyIsotope: *spends 30 minutes trying to unzip my pants to have sex for the first time* *girlfriend sighs* "Just take off the mittens" MY HANDS ARE COLD
@Book_Krazy: Me: I'm so excited! I just planted my first Azalea. Iggy: Help! Let me out of here! Me: Hush! Flowers don't talk silly.