@DadandBuried: You'll never know how creative you really are until you need to start lying to your kids.
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@DiscoFruit: [dies and goes to hell] me: "mom? dad!? what are you doing here!" dad: "we used to switch your food with the dog's food sometimes."
@meladoodle: A demon that writes messages on your mirror with blood but they're useful messages. Like "remember you have yoga at 6 tonight"
@AIMMadellynne: The bouncer was kicking me out & I put up my finger for him 2 wait,while I chugged the rest of my drink.All he could say was: Are U serious?
@Home_Halfway: We all make fun of Kristen Stewart for her wide variety of facial expressions, but she'd probably kick all our asses in poker.