@DadandBuried: You'll never know how creative you really are until you need to start lying to your kids.
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@fro_vo: Me: what do you get when you cross a bear with a shark My Dog: bark Me: wait henry don't give it away
@ArfMeasures: ROOMMATE: While I'm away, can you get some mice to feed my pet snake? ME: Sure [later] ME [to mice] Come on fellas, pls just cook something
@TheCiscoKidder: My wife never catches me scoping out the hot chick because she's too busy judging the hot chick.
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: *spells out words so the kids won’t know what she is saying* ME: [to the kids] I don’t know either.