@DadandBuried: You'll never know how creative you really are until you need to start lying to your kids.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LerbsyCherbs: I walk with a limp so people think I have a gun in my boot. And because I sprained my ankle running away from a moth.
@AudreyPorne: a horror film where the victim walks into her kitchen and everyone she's muted on twitter is standing there drinking coffee
@IamEnidColeslaw: I do this really cute thing where I yawn right before my girlfriend kisses me so I almost swallow her face
@Eightinchgoat: I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don't. So, from now on I'm only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.