@stockejock: You'll sleep when you're dead?...that's adorable. Well, I'll lose weight when I'm dead, so pass the doughnuts.
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@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: What are you doing? ME: IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WIFE: You're teaching the dog karate? ME: Then it's exactly what it looks like.
@OfficeofSteve: Me: The dogs ears are so soft! Wife: I know! Me: I want to make a pillow out of them Wife: ..... Me: Not now obviously, like, when he dies
@MensHumor: I would like to thank Tetris for providing me w/ the skills to jam as many dishes as possible in my dishwasher.