@Arroia: Your baby might be adorable, but so is my cat and she cleans her own butt.
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@iwearaonesie: wife: You're going to work like that? me: Yeah, it's casual day [20 minutes later] *calls wife* me: Can you bring me a shirt?
@Jandalize: Horrifically awaiting the day all the shampoo bottles in my shower decide to squeeze me back.
@StephenBCramer: My sister is holding her baby in one hand and a cup of Starbucks in the other, I'm going to toss her phone at her to see who gets dropped.
@kibblesmith: Parents Then: YOU'RE GOING TO SMOKE THE WHOLE CARTON, MISTER. Parents Today: Explain it to me again ... You're a Nazi, but on the computer?