@Parentpains: Your blood pressure looks normal, I'll fix that. - Children, every five minutes.
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@omgthatspunny: The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material.
@realHamOnWry: My apologies to Tom Cruise. I honestly thought that Scientologists dug up and studied old scientists.
@noog: Obama: Joe, look. Full moon Biden: What? TONIGHT? *starts shapeshifting* Obama: Joe? Biden: AARRGHHH *Gore kicks door down* Gore: MANBEARPIG