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@althene: Your body is a temple. Mine is a graveyard.
@DamienFahey: Billion dollar idea: An app that sends you a text when the light turns green.
@Alex_LaVallee: You guys know monogamy is NOT a type of wood, right?!?
@thenatewolf: *The doctor hands me my son. I see that he's Asian. I look at my wife*
WIFE: I tried to tell-
ME: the stork flew so far!
@Real_Dick_Head: Establish dominance by sitting close to the buffet and growling every time someone walks up to get food.
@lianamaeby: "It was M. Day Shyamalan all along!" - The ultimate twist