@KevinFarzad: Your British accent is so attractive! If we had kids would they have British accents? We should do a scientific test & find out. For science
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@internetluke: TAYLOR SWIFT: I knew you were trouble when you walked in ME (wearing ski mask and holding up gun): what gave it away?
@briangaar: "Tom Brady did nothing wrong" is Boston's "The Confederate Flag isn't really about slavery."
@CM2BTTHD: Our dog runs away so much, I'm just going to spray paint our phone number on her side.