@roxyisrad: Your call is very important to us. So please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
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@theshamingofjay: The Walmart app just updated on my phone and now water autocorrects to soda and exercise autocorrects to Doritos and beer.
@QwertyJones3: Me: Oh my god, that cat is adorable! She's the cutest kitty I've ever seen! Cat: I just want to be friends.
@MatCro: [first day as a midwife] ME: Keep pushing! I can see the head! NURSE: You're at the wrong end.