@mrjohntofu: Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
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@_making_friends: I'm currently between relationships. The couple on my right are kissing and I think the couple on my left are about to start doing it.
@kelkulus: The Church of England rejected female bishops. How can women's rights expect to move forward if they're not even allowed to move diagonally?
@ElgatoEsmio: [holding an acorn] “do you still love me?” Wife yells outside- "that’s not even the same squirrel as yesterday!” "Shaddup you!"