@ozzyunc: Your cat doesn't love you. If it were bigger it would eat you.
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@pleatedjeans: [cruising down highway in friend's car with windows down] me: [opens bag of glitter]
@FSUSteve: Just because a guy wants to see you naked it doesn't mean anything, I know a guy who drove 2 days to see a donkey show.
@CranalBeads: just when my neighbors think they know me, I sprint across their yard pushing a wheelbarrow full of hair