@donjuantip: Your cell should have a 'drunk mode' like 'airplane mode' so that no text messages or tweets leave your phone but you can still call a taxi.
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@thenoahkinsey: *on a 1st date* Her:..and I have 3 cats Me: Swipe left H: Did you say "swipe left"?! M: H: M: *panicked whisper* swipeleftswipeleftswipeleft
@AristotlesNZ: Wife: Who let the boys out? Me: Woof woof woof! Her: Who let the boys out?! Me: Woof woof woof! Her: KIDS ARE IN THE STREET! Me: I'm going..
@Ndeshi_M: Bailiff: State your name for the court Hr: Clara Sofía Alba Constanza Guadalupe... Judge: That’s enough I want to get out of here b4 lunch!