@donjuantip: Your cell should have a 'drunk mode' like 'airplane mode' so that no text messages or tweets leave your phone but you can still call a taxi.
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@trumpetcake: I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
@TheRealRHB: I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
@Its_Miss_Riss: Just saw a fully functional phone booth with an intact yellow pages; so, yeah, I know a thing or two about time travel.
@DaHess1: "We heard reports that some guy saw a snowflake one time somewhere so we better cancel 5,000 flights." - Airlines