@TheLastPeg: Your 'Chemistry' with your girlfriend is great if you remember her 'Periodic Table'.
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@ClichedOut: HER: hey, do u come here often? ME: all the time HER: do u know if the bartender is single?
@theshamingofjay: "Sit" dog sits "Down" dog lays down on floor "Play Dead" dog graduates college, finds job, gets married and has kids
@fart: my dream job is to be the FBI guy who nicknames criminals. someone blew up a fish market? Tunabomber. easy.
@MrBob_52: First week of my diet I gained 3 pounds. However, I found out if I stand further away from the mirror I look thinner.