@TheLastPeg: Your 'Chemistry' with your girlfriend is great if you remember her 'Periodic Table'.
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@Brianhopecomedy: "Daddy, I-" *presses button for soundproof backseat divider Wife: "HOW MUCH DID-" *presses button for soundproof passenger seat divider
@iinkedZombie: Me: You have to be nice or Santa won't deliver any toys this year. 5: Me: 5: My brother lets me play with his.
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "I'd like to pay by card." Waiter: "Contactless?" Me: "No, you can cuddle me."
@kiralc: i can always see the flash of disappointment n a guy's face when i tell them i have a great relationship with my dad.