@ilovepie84: Your Ex is like spilt milk. If you put newspaper over them its like the mistake never happened.
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@vikkaroni: Him: what does a polar bear weigh? Me: I don't know Him: enough to break the ice, my name's John. Me: so's mine.
@KellieMounce: Worst part of my old job was drug screenings. Had to tell a guy he was pregnant. Lesson: don't use your girlfriend's urine for testing.
@_ElvishPresley_: Bat 1: Do you ever think God made us blind so that we may see the world for what it truly is? Bat 2: (startled) who said that