@ilovepie84: Your Ex is like spilt milk. If you put newspaper over them its like the mistake never happened.
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@SortaBad: Executive: What should we name the mutant with neato magnetic powers? Me: [clearly joking] How about Mag-Neato? Exec: damn that's so good
@WilliamAder: A woman at work told me I look younger with my glasses off. I told her she looked younger with my glasses off, too.