@SpeakComedy: Now remember kids; if a stranger offers you drugs say thank you because drugs are expensive ;)

@ICagbanusi: 7 out of 3 people are bad at fractions.

@AnkCoupleTO: [teen me w/GF in my dad's car] Me: You wanna do it? Her: *giggling* Yes Me: *hears voice whisper no glove, no love* GET OUT OF THE CAR MOM

@FatherWithTwins: My 4yo is trying to sell my own M&M's back to me. This guy's going places.

@HeyZeus666: At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.