@GabbbarSingh: Your greatness is measured by the font-size of your obituary.
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@Parentpains: If six years of marriage has taught me anything its that couches are surprisingly comfortable to sleep on.
@WheelTod: Probably the worst part about being a snail is how you can't put salt on your French fries.
@RorynotRoy: Spent all last night mouthing words to my dog to try and convince him that he'd gone deaf.