@JRobb773: Your haunted dolls will promise you they are good at cutting even bangs, but they are not. They. Are. Not.
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@wickedsuga: Stop being so hard on yourself. You don't have to be a complete idiot. Just be the best idiot you can be.
@theevilwriter: Tip: if you often say things like "there is no i in team but there *is* one in incompetence" they won't ask you to mentor new coworkers.
@stephenjmolloy: *stationary for 7 hours* Me: "Actually, I'm not sure this is one of those driverless cars."