@YoungManDadJoke: Your head is basically just the smartest part of your body wrapped in the spookiest part of your body.
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@CulturedRuffian: I just want the confidence of my grandpa in church taking a call from the pharmacy on speaker phone to confirm his Viagra prescription.
@tarrynklaudia_x: If there's enough room to spell 'bootylicious' on the back of your shorts, it probably isn't.
@foodfacenow: Interviewer: What drives you? Me: The bus mostly Interviewer: I mean what motivates you to get out of bed in the morning? M: missing the bus