@YoungManDadJoke: Your head is basically just the smartest part of your body wrapped in the spookiest part of your body.
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@sunexplode: Make a birthday wish for mutant lung power then blow away your cake, your party guests, your house, car, trees, etc.
@FatBottomGirl1: Acupuncture for weight loss huh? I've had little pricks before, and they never helped me work off any pounds.
@WeissBrandon: Apparently, "I just assumed" is a horrible answer when your wife asks you why you bought her the "heavy flow" tampons.
@jjlob7: I don't need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands. :/