@YoungManDadJoke: Your head is basically just the smartest part of your body wrapped in the spookiest part of your body.
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@praisecheese: "Archeology is just like search and rescue only everyone's been dead for 5,000 years, so there's no rush"
@illTortuga: I asked my Ouija board when I was going to get a girlfriend and it spelled out HAHAHAHAHA until it caught fire.
@AbbyHasIssues: People who say I'm hard to shop for obviously didn't see how excited I just got finding an almond on the couch.
@girl_a_whirl: Giving birth? Passing a gallstone? Monica Seles tennis match? Possible scenarios from sounds emitted from chic on elliptical next to me