@DurtMcHurtt: Your helium addiction is out of control, but nobody is taking your cry for help seriously.
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@AdderallMomma: Folks are worried about global warming and social security, when the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.
@causticbob: My boss is coming to my grandad's funeral tomorrow. He said, after his 3 previous funerals he personally wants to see him go in the ground
@JohnnyCrash5: *Eats a Lean Cuisine *20 minutes go by. *Devours entire Pizza Hut store...including employees.
@fluffysuse: Just received an email listing 5 ways to prevent divorce. 'Don't get married' wasn't on there. Or 'murder.' Stupid list.