@DurtMcHurtt: Your helium addiction is out of control, but nobody is taking your cry for help seriously.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: I told you to slow down. Cop: License & registration, please. Wife (opens glovebox): Divorce papers? Me: Look underneath them.
@iGreenMonk: I told the bank teller that I was changing banks & wanted to open an account "Great. What's the name of your former bank?" I said, "Piggy"
@UnFitz: Maybe we'd still be in the Garden of Eden if Eve had given Adam an Android instead of an Apple. You don't know.
@TheTweetOfGod: If what people thought of you, what you thought of yourself and who you really are ever met, the three of you wouldn't recognize each other.