@maxlavergne: your honor, i nominate the real murderer for the ice bucket challenge!! [a guy stands up] nice
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@BobTheSuit: [Job interview] -Are you going to just keep spinning around in that chair? Sorry. I didn't think we started yet.
@OtherDanOBrien: [Bomb will explode in 26 seconds] *googles "how to defuse a bomb"* *clicks top result* *it's a 17-page slideshow.* GODDAMMIT *an ad plays*
@XplodingUnicorn: My 3-year-old told me she covered the house in "fairy dust" She better mean cocaine because if it's glitter somebody's going to be homeless