@maxlavergne: your honor, i nominate the real murderer for the ice bucket challenge!! [a guy stands up] nice
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@philco816: Feed your kids soup for dinner, so you can sit at the table for 47 minutes and listening to slurping.
@MiahSaint: This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and number of friends.
@UncleDuke1969: "I'm calling you because you're easy." "You're not even very good." "You're just the best I can do this late." Dominos: "Your order, Sir?"
@UnFitz: Maybe we'd still be in the Garden of Eden if Eve had given Adam an Android instead of an Apple. You don't know.