@lawyerthoughts: Your honor? My client would like to address the court and ruin everything.
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@shatty48: Don't ever look away from a police officer. Just stare him down. You don't wanna look suspicious.
@BradBroaddus: Got in a fight with the wife so I didn't let her sleep on the couch with me last night.
@JDBooie: Instead of a sock on your door, hang a doughnut. Not only is Doughnut Disturb hilarious, you provide a snack for your now homeless roommate.