@lawyerthoughts: Your honor? My client would like to address the court and ruin everything.
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@BackrowSeats: The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
@Reverend_Scott: Batman: Use this spotlight to call me. Robin: What if it's daytime? Batman: *glares at Robin* Gordon: Yeah, what if it- Batman: *smoke bomb*
@Ameiam: People are always like "you're so crazy" and I'm all like "please take off the restraints, I promise I won't do it again".
@laurenmacdonald: I use the phrase "when I win the lottery" a lot for someone who never buys any lottery tickets.