@lawyerthoughts: Your honor? My client would like to address the court and ruin everything.
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@notfaizzy: Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni... That folks, is what drugs do to you.
@joeljeffrey: When I make my first million, Im switching from 2 ply toilet paper to white bread.
@unravelingfire: Him: [running out of burning house carrying two house plants and three Led Zeppelin CDs] I DIDN'T KNOW WHICH PLANTS YOU WANTED
@Andrea__B__: I'm always just a bit disappointed when a liars pants don't actually catch on fire.