@Darlainky: Your Honor, these 52 selfies on my clients phone at the precise moment of the crime prove that my client can only be guilty of narcissism.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What do you want to be when you grow up? 2-year-old: An eagle! I’m going to save so much money on college.
@Danny_McH2O: Kids, no one will ever understand you like your high school love. Get pregnant and marry them right away. You know better than everyone.