@Darlainky: Your Honor, these 52 selfies on my clients phone at the precise moment of the crime prove that my client can only be guilty of narcissism.
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@mrtimlong: It's called a "Monte Cristo" sandwich because one day it will return disguised as another sandwich & seek its revenge
@CoolHegel: "This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling as I butter a donut
@Tmoney68: [Job Interview] Boss: What is your best trait? Me: Procrastination. B: How is that a positive? M: I'll give you my reasons. Later.
@imteddybless: haha how about we make a pact if we're both single in 6 seconds we get married?? haha look how nervous u are. times runnin out tho