@roxyisrad: Your inspirational tweet inspired me to block you.
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@usermcuserface: At the library: Librarian: you have 45 cents in late fees. Me: (adjusts bow tie then slides 50 cents across the table) Keep the change
@causticbob: I got kicked out of the casino in Las Vegas. I didn't cheat. I just misunderstood what the craps table was for.
@BBQJones28: I use someone calling me during a phone call as an opportunity to hang up on both of them.