@so_amused: 'Your legs, your thighs, they got me hypnotized'
~me talking to my KFC
@bingowings14: I removed Sean Connery's limbs & replaced them with Daniel Craig's arms & Pierce Brosnan's legs. They formed an unlikely Bond.
@BigFatNothing: Good cop: you two could go away for six years each for this
Add cop: for a total of twelve years between you
@BackrowSeats: I try contributing to society but it keeps insisting I take it back.
@NoompsyDahling: People who say love is dead have obviously never seen me eat a burrito.
@turkeyheadmac: Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don't apply the brakes