@so_amused: 'Your legs, your thighs, they got me hypnotized'
~me talking to my KFC
@CrackYouWhip: Based on the rate of sagging pants, it is predicted that by 2017, people will just pull their pants behind them with a rope.
@bamb00zld: Catfishing my ex... So you could say we're back together.
One tall iced latte please
"Ok, can I have a name?"
Well ok but it really should come from your parents
@UncleDuke1969: In my late forties, I now find myself with gray hair, a delightful assortment of aches and pains, and surprisingly strong opinions on decorative throw pillows.
@shariv67: I was bitten by a radioactive vegan, and now I have the power to bore people to death.