@TheTweetOfGod: Your life flashes before your eyes right before you die. It takes an average of 70-80 years.
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@: Shout out to people who text you and apparently throw their phone into a river as soon as they hit send?
@robfee: Imagine being the kid that got cut from the team on Air Bud because they had to make a roster spot for a golden retriever.
@mattZillaaaa: My friends definitely cannot handle their alcohol. Last night they dropped me 3 times carrying me out of the bar
@lemonmartinis: How to tie the strongest knot ever: 1) put some earbuds in your pocket 2) wait one minute