@TheTweetOfGod: Your life flashes before your eyes right before you die. It takes an average of 70-80 years.
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@AmericanGent69: If my name was Simon I would always talk in the third person when telling someone to do something.
@PetrickSara: Brushing my daughter's hair Me: Why is your hair SO tangled? 5: I don't know. Glue maybe? Me: Did you put glue in your hair? 5: Yes.
@BigFatNothing: A local business in my town has an open carry discount. As in, you show them a gun to save money. Doesn't that discount apply everywhere?