@TravLeBlanc: Your mother has terrible taste in children.
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@CM2BTTHD: My half-brothers had a Hungarian dad and an Eskimo dad. My dad was from Wales. Our dinner table was like the U.N...only with slapping.
@sixfootcandy: I only had 3 goals in Monopoly as a kid: Dog game piece Boardwalk and Park Place. Steal your money when you go to the bathroom.
@ibid78: *interrupts your baby's first words* "IF A PANDA WEARS A HANDKERCHIEF IT'S CALLED A PANDANA."
@dafloydsta: ME: I think it's time I get my life in order. MORGAN FREEMAN: But he would not get his life in order. In fact, he got drunk that night and fought a raccoon.