@ilovepie84: Your Parents divorced because your Dad didn't want to put your talentless paintings on the fridge.
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@Ideal_Victoria: Me: Ugh! I never know what to say in these situations... Friend: You say 'good morning' back
@KenJennings: Oh I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood. This is a Ferrets wheel. When your compartment is 90 feet in the air, we release the ferrets.
@MartaEffing: A humpback whale pulling millions of krill into its mouth, but it's me at a party where they just served shrimp.