@ilovepie84: Your Parents divorced because your Dad didn't want to put your talentless paintings on the fridge.
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@DebasaurusRex: Autocorrect, no matter how many times I tell you, I don't want anyone's duck in my can't.
@hasht4g: I'll be buried in a spring-loaded coffin stuffed w/ tons of confetti. In the future some archeologist is gonna have an awesome day at work.
@JohnLyonTweets: *watches Beauty and the Beast* *looks at dirty dishes in sink* WASH YOURSELVES AND SING TO ME!
@nachosarah: hey guys maybe girls are so cold all the time because you make us shave off all our hair