@AaronFullerton: "Your present is too big and weirdly shaped to wrap. Oh! What if I buried it in the yard?!" -me, genuinely, earlier today. Wife said no.
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@silent_musings: I have an oven with a 'stop time' button. It's probably meant to be 'stop timer' but I don't touch it, just in case.
@longwall26: To catch a grandpa, you must THINK like a grandpa *eats butterscotch candy, clicks on obvious spam email*
@senderblock23: Why is there a wolf on Wall Street. Animals are bad with money. My cat just lost $80 at high-stakes uno