@TheWoodenslurpy: Your secrets are safe with me because I literally won’t remember them. This also applies to your birthday. Your birthdays are safe with me.
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@JustinGuarini: The best part about Facebook is never having to wonder what your acquaintance's baby is doing all day everyday day.
@amydillon: One of my sons says he likes my new haircut, and the other will have to twirl a sign outside a Mattress Firm to pay for college, I guess.