@TheWoodenslurpy: Your secrets are safe with me because I literally won’t remember them. This also applies to your birthday. Your birthdays are safe with me.
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@miffedmim:  The rejected Spice Girl, Pumpkin, sobs outside the studio. Little does she know that in 20 years their fans will love her the most.
@putyoursisterd1: Possible Fact: If you suffer with freezing cold hands, you are contractually obliged to test their temperature by putting them on people.
@ibid78: [goes back in time to murder baby Hitler] wow long line of people here to kill him [goes back to murder myself] how is this line even longer